A former believer

I used to think that I was special,

That my life was created to do something essential,

I believed that maybe I could act,

And life would be better because of it,

But lately all I feel as though that spark that once shined so bright has faded,

And it has been worn down and degraded.

I used to get on my knees everyday and pray,

Pray to God to guide my life ,

Because life back then was hard,

But as I grew up in moved from praying on my knees to praying in my blankets,

Just because of sheer laziness at first,

But I slowly I realised that I didn't believe in it at all,

How could my life be planned by someone else?

Because everything that I once considered important,

Became useless at best,

All the achievements and accolades that once gave me a sense of accomplishment lost their meaning.

Maybe I have finally reached the starting point of the end,

As I can already see myself taking pills to slow down my descension,

To stress induced depression

And lets not forget to add anxiety because its a two for the price of one special,

I can actually take comfort in knowing what comes next,

Because for once I how it all ends.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash