I have gone through the emotions and I still am going through them,
All I know is that nothing feels the same,
I am not okay, nor have I been okay for some time,
And I can not keep my silence, I am not a mime.
I am hurting and I am sure that you are hurting as well,
The confusion of everything, I know that it must be hell,
And the uncertanity of it all,
Must feel like you are on the edge of a cliff about to fall.
I have been where you have been,
Experienced it all, even though at the beginning it life felt so mean,
I think that pain is worth going through,
Because no one will ever understand, maybe a very few,
Know what it feels like to love someone, let alone not be sure if that person is the right one for us,
So I want you to understand that I understand,
More than you will ever know.
I know that you will say that Kundai,
What I am experiencing is something new,
I am being confronted with my own mortality and I do not know what I want,
I feel as though time has moved,
And that I am not ready to be there,
And to that I say, I understand,
I understand, the confusion and loss of identity,
I understand the feeling of not being able to trust my own thoughts,
The uncertain feeling of being unable to connect the dots.
I know how it feels,
And at the same time I know that I can't help you,
Because this something that you have to go through,
And it will be tough,
It will be rough,
But it still has to happen.
I promised that I will give you space,
But if I can be honest I have no idea what that means,
I miss you and you miss me and that's okay but at the same time,
I have always given you space and I wonder if this maybe a sign that certain things were never meant to be,
I'm sorry,
I'm just thinking out loud again,
I just worry that this space wont do any good,
I just worry that it will not lead to an improvement in your mood,
or mine,
And I confess that for that reason I am not fine...
To be continued...........
Photo by Marcus Ganahl on Unsplash
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