Addict: Forgive me father forgive I have sinned against the church and against the Lord
Priest: Speak your heart my son
Addict: It’s been seventeen days since my last relapse,
And probably the thousandth time that I have tried to break my addiction,
I have tried fighting it with positivity and affirmative action,
But the pain never goes away,
And I feel that I am fighting a losing battle,
Were me and addiction are going pound for pound but we are both losing the fight,
Because if this continues, I know that will end with me six feet underground,
Maybe only then I will find peace and finally sleep sound,
But I’m no longer sure if this is a winnable fight,
Because addiction has smothered my light.
Priest: But have you tried accepting the Lord my son?
Addict: I have tried and I have failed,
And I believe that that ship has already sailed,
For you see father the hardest thing about addiction is that,
Addiction lead to my economic recession,
Economic recession became depression
And depression gave birth to bad intention.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
Priest: Continue my son I see you still have a lot to say,
And even if takes all day,
I’m here for you so here I will stay.
Addict: Due to my addiction I have fornicated with men and women,
And I believe this has bore a me a demon,
And this demon is a cruel creature as it demands payment,
Payment which my body has to pay,
Where I stay awake night and day,
Staring at the bottle, the powder and at the needle,
Thinking that I should do one line of cocaine,
Wishing that it will make me sane,
Or maybe shoot up some heroine,
Or a dance with the genie in the bottle,
But then I always start crying.
Priest: Why do You cry my son?
Addict: I cry father because I remember the things that I have done,
I remember holding a gun,
Robbing someone’s son,
Bullets going off,
Me running,
Sirens ringing as the police were coming,
Thank God they never caught me, Father.
Priest: We do not use the Lord’s name is vain my son.
Addict; I’m sorry father but where was He,
When I was feeling like this?
Why didn’t he save me?
If he is everywhere and he could see?
I was good when I was little,
I was kind and gentle and treated everyone as if they were brittle,
Yet I was condemned to this type of life.
Maybe it was fault that I ended like this.
I wasn’t always like this I hope you remember,
Or maybe I was but I just didn’t know it yet,
That having just a little taste,
Would excite me and give my heart haste,
But you know what they say “those that longed for the touch of other’s lips therefore invited their kisses,”
But I just wanted to experience it,
And to this day I play back those words on repeat and I am lost.
Priest: Since you feel as if the Lord has failed you,
Why have you not looked for psychiatric help since you believe it true?
Addict: Because Father I tried and it failed,
And my family’s hopes and dreams for me were derailed,
And crush into a fine powder with no detail,
They all see me as an outcast,
Maybe some of them even pray that the next day be my last
So that they can finally move on and leave me in the past,
As their memory of me fades into dust.
So everyday I stand in front of mirror,
Wishing that everyday my face becomes clearer,
But every time I see a little of my soul disappear,
And never reappear.
Priest: So, what do you think is correct way to solve this problem?
Because remember that after summer comes autumn,
After autumn comes winter,
And after winter comes spring where you will blossom,
So, do not be discouraged and lose hope,
But instead find a way to cope,
We can’t take back what we have done,
But rather we can accept it and move on,
We forgive ourselves and we keep trying,
Not for our family but for ourselves,
Because that is a fight worth fighting,
Fighting for one’s soul against our inner demons,
So, let today be day seventeen and tomorrow day eighteen,
And the next nineteen,
And if you fall you get up and suck it up,
Keep going, keep moving and keep proving,
Proving that you can do this,
For we are after all masters of our own fate,
And the we are capable of becoming great,
So, fight, fight and fight some more,
And let this be your confession,
The confession of a fighting man,
The confession of a recovering addict.
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