It's all pointless!!!

I used to think that I was special,

That my life was created to do something essential,

Not for the whole human race,

But maybe just special enough to change the life of get person sitting next to me,

I believed that maybe I could enact and they would see,

And life would be better because of it,

But lately all I feel as though that spark that once shined so bright has faded,

And it has been worn down and degraded,

And all that remains is the husk of a man.

I used to get on my knees everyday when I was little and prayed,

Prayed to God to guide my life ,

Because life back then, was so painful,

But as I grew up in moved from praying on my knees to praying in my blankets,

Just because of sheer laziness at first,

But I slowly I realized that I didn't believe in it at all,

How could my life be planned by someone else,

Like a puppet being controlled by the puppet-master,

With no thoughts and actions of my own.

I used to think that in the grand scheme of things,

I had an important role to play,

But slowly i have learnt that in life there is no great meaning to things,

And all that we do is pointless

And thus I have tumbled into a great depression.

Everything that I once considered important,

Now seems useless at best.

Maybe i have finally reached the starting point of the end,

As I can already see myself popping pills,

To curb my depression,

And lets not forget to add anxiety because its a two for the price of one special,

And maybe just maybe,

I can actually take comfort in knowing what comes next,

And like all else I have no choice so I cannot protest.

Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash